This video appeared in my Facebook this morning and triggered many memories. This was my first solo trip after my husband passed away – Lares Trek Peru.

Lares Trek to Machu Picchu Peru

I often look back and ask myself how I managed to get to this point. I think back and remember the last time Peter told me he loved me; I remember the sensation of touching his skin the last time before he went into ICU; I remember taking the decision to switch off the life-support, and I remember being there when it happened. But most importantly I remember the joy, the love, the understanding and the strength we had throughout the nearly 31 years of our marriage. Tears are flowing down my cheeks as a recall these moments. I remind myself of the words of my yoga contact teacher, “Don’t wipe your tears when you cry. Let the beautiful crystal tears wash your face all the way down to your heart – Judith Hanson-Lasater.” Tears help the healing process. I can’t speak of coming to terms with the loss of a loved one, but I can speak of choosing between life and death for myself afterwards, because it is a choice. It is much easier just to give in to the feeling of numbness and to allow it to engulf you. But this is where the magic of yoga helped me. Peter loved his snooker and I loved my yoga. We supported each other in our individual interests, and yoga, ultimately, became my lifeline.  Not only did yoga give me a physical purpose, but it also connected me to wonderful fellow yogis who surrounded me with warmth, friendship, understanding and support. Through the physical practice, I connected with my emotional body and the healing process slowly started. It is a journey and a process. It does not happen suddenly. Through this connection of the physical and emotional, I eventually allowed myself to experience the pain of my grief. Slowly but surely the numbness started to lift, like mist before the sun, allowing other emotions like joy and happiness to come back into my life.

I share this as a message of hope to those who are experiencing this at the moment. Know there is a way and that, over time, life will return again to a place of joy and happiness. The memories will always be there to sustain us when we need it.

I close with the first ethical principle of yoga, namely ‘ahimsa’: kindness to oneself, to others and to the universe. If you can identify with the feeling of numbness or being in a ‘vacuum’ and would like to experience the benefits of yoga, then please contact me to discuss how I can help.